Relationships in the
teen years are simultaneously thrilling and devastating.
Why is that? Here are some reasons and some things
to remember:
1. The Big Buildup
All your life, you have
seen movies and shows which have told you that falling
in love is the most important step in your life. Even
though there are tons of things more important, TV
puts the spotlight on anything romantic and sexual.
Anytime a step in life seems like a big deal, you
are gonna be more nervous about making a wrong move
or ruining it. Your first date may put you in a panic
state, because of all the buildup about romance. Try
to relax and enjoy it. You will later laugh to recall
how scared you were when talking with “a crush”.
2. Teens Fall in Love
with the Idea of Love
Some of you know exactly
what this means. Ever wanted something so much that
you forced it to happen? Many times, a 16 yr old wants
a relationship so much that he/she will go with someone
who is clearly not compatible or right. Different
values, different dreams, different habits. Sometimes
the person is not even nice to you. Why would you
go with someone so wrong for you even if the idea
of love sounds sweet? Going out with an incompatible
person is a recipe for heartbreak.
3. Love in OmniMax
Teenage love tends to
be a little exaggerated. It is normal to feel attraction
very intensely in the first few years you start having
feelings for others. You may feel intense joy when
someone you barely know speaks with you. Ratchet down
your emotions by continually reminding yourself that
you are in the beginning stages of love, a dress rehearsal
for your life in the 20’s. Technically speaking,
you should not be trying to meet the “love of
your life”. Studies show that women who marry
before the age of 21 are more likely to divorce than
women who wait until they are older. This finding
does not hold up for men. To whom we are attracted
at 16 differs greatly by age 25. Dating is perfect
practice for being with different types of people.
4. Can Teenagers Really
Be in Love?
The intense joy of being
with someone is
NOT LOVE. So, that squooshy feeling you get when a
new crush speaks with you is not the real thing. The
body’s hormones are ramping up that feeling
of attraction, but that feeling is not love. Fortunately,
you are probably not interested in being with your
boyfriend or girlfriend the rest of you life, having
children together, paying bills and cleaning toilets
together, are you? Infatuation usually wears off within
a few months. The 3-month mark is the time when teen
couples often break up, as they should.
Older teens who are 17
and 18 and in a serious relationship—more than
a year—can feel love for one another. It is
not typically the kind of love that can support
a marriage, but it is the kind of love that can be
unselfish and understanding. You may love each other,
but have the instincts to know that it is not going
to wind up in marriage.
5. When Should I Start
Dating?
Even though girls and
guys begin to pair up a bit more in 6th grade, that
doesn’t mean you’re ready to date. At
age 12 and 13, you should probably feel completely
overwhelmed and clueless about dating. That is because
you’re not supposed to know much! Girls and
guys at this age do not date, but may go around in
a pack together. Meeting at someone’s house
with a large group is a safe way to begin to think
about dating issues without jumping in too soon.
Kids have more fun and
end up less heartbroken when they wait until 15 to
start to date. This may sound kind of old to you,
but your emotional mind is more mature and better
able to interact at this age. This doesn’t mean
you shouldn’t talk to your crush on the phone
or internet (be safe with the internet and don’t
give your number or address to people you do not know
in person).
6. What is a Reasonable
Dating Relationship for People 15-18 years of age?
- date each weekend (not every
day)
- depending on your parents’
rules, you may do homework together during the
week or attend each others’ sports games
- talk on the internet at reasonable
hours (that doesn’t mean midnight)
- talk on the phone when you can,
but don’t let it interfere with important
things
- even though you are serious about
one another, you still reserve time away with
just your friends
- always seek balance in all your
activities and don’t give up your sports,
your parents, your music and hobbies. If people
give you hints that you are obsessed with your
girlfriend, you listen carefully and try to adjust
things
- don’t put all your hopes
and fears into the relationship, because you know
this is just practice for later life
7. Breaking Up for Beginners
If someone you cared
about broke up with you, chances are you were pretty
destroyed for a few days, especially if you didn't
see it coming. Here are some pointers to help you
avoid bitterness and melancholy.
- don't hate the other person when
they let you know their feelings have changed.
(By the way, most teens are not very practiced
at breaking up respectfully)
- don't expect that their attachment
to you should be indefinite or that it absolutely
has to be as strong and as durable as your attachment
to them
- practice telling yourself that
if they do not adore you, it is better to be rid
of the relationship so that you can find someone
who deserves you
- realize that your ego is guiding
some of the hurt you feel. No one likes to be
rejected. That is mostly what a breakup is.
- treat your former love with kindness
and let go with grace and acceptance
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