It
is said that in each given day we may have two "free
hours" that are not dedicated to family, work
or household tasks. When the holidays are added, as
an event that takes planning, preparation, and attending,
well, you get the picture – where’s all
the free time to do this?
Most of us realize on some level, that there is no
great joy in overdoing, overspending, overeating,
overdrinking, and sleeping less. So what mind set
do you need to have a joyful holiday?
First:
You must let go of the "shoulds" imposed
upon you by commercialism, society, family and friends.
Make a list of who’s involved, how to make it
meaningful, and what you want from your holiday.
Second:
Budget your holiday. No interest, no money down, credit
card use. They only lead to paying off debt later
which can cause you to feel perhaps a temporary joy
when purchasing, but longer term stress when trying
to juggle monthly bills. If you have only "X"
amount of dollars, think about how you want to spend
that money and who or what is most important for you
to spend it on. Be creative and direct with people
about what you can and cannot do.
Third:
If you feel obligated to give a gift to those who give
you gifts, or if you feel you should give a gift "just
because," be honest. Nine times out of ten, the other
giver may be relieved and no longer feel obligated to
provide a gift for you. They may also choose to continue
to do so and you, of course, can be a gracious recipient.
It could also be fun to let them know if you could give
them a gift, that you would give them this or that and
tell them why you think this would be a special gift for
them. You may also want to give them something of yours
that they may truly appreciate.
Fourth:
If you are tired of attending every party and event that
you are invited to, say yes to only those most important
to you. Really, it’s ok to be honest and decline
invitations. You may also want to start a trend with work
family and friends to give the money used for those parties
to those less fortunate or plan time together at a less
stressful time of the year.
Fifth:
You are your child’s most interesting toy! I think
of the holidays as a time of over-tired and over-excited
children. All the over planning and over doing really
gets to everyone, which, of course, makes things less
pleasant. It is not so much the gifts you give your children,
it is the time. The following questions can help you focus
your attention and make the holidays meaningful for your
family:
- How
can you have your children help with the holiday preparation?
- What
special memories can be created and what meaningful
traditions do you want to create?
- What
are the similarities and differences between your expectations
and those of your family?
Discuss
these questions with your spouse or children to help create
understanding and harmony. Your time with your children
is much more valuable then any gift you can give them.
Sixth:
Take responsibility for your choices. If you choose to
do things a certain way then make it meaningful and do
it joyfully. If others are not interested in contributing
to your choices, that’s ok! Accept them where they
are at and create for yourself what you need.
Seventh:
If you don’t do it regularly, exercise to relieve
stress, eat balanced meals to better deal with stress,
and take time to relax to keep yourself grounded during
what can be a stressful time of year.
Eighth:
Think about holiday history. What feelings and memories
do you carry with you? What new feelings and memories
do you want to create? Don’t attempt to live what
you had through your children. See them in their own joy,
with their own interests and feelings.
Ninth:
If there have been changes in your life over the year
which could include a move, death of a loved one, or divorce,
the holidays may be particularly difficult. Seek out others
to talk with. Take time for reflection. Look at new ways
to do and see things. Give yourself permission to take
time to re-evaluate and not invest as much time and energy
to the holidays as you did so in the past. If the "holiday
blues" are intense and continue for a long period
of time, seek professional help. The holidays could be
the catalyst that triggers clinical depression.
Tenth:
Take care of yourself. Be responsible for your choices.
Make this holiday a time for enjoying the people you love
with no strings attached!
Managing
Grief Over the Holidays
-
Maintain familiarity. Continue old traditions if possible.
-
Avoid trying to please others. Do what you need to do
for yourself.
- Commemorate
your loved one with a special new tradition.
- Reach
out to others. Helping others in need can help you.
- Permit
yourself some cheer without guilt. This does not mean
you have forgotten.
- Maintain
connection with family and other support systems.
- Let
go of control. Allow yourself to express your emotions.
Ignoring or avoiding your feelings will just make them
more intense.
- Get
enough rest and eat healthy. When you do not take care
of yourself, your ability to handle emotional stress
decreases.
- Utilize
creative outlets. Write, draw, talk, sing, etc. Find
ways to express your thoughts and feelings.
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