Most of us are not in a position to outright choose
family over work. But somehow we have to reconcile these often
opposing forces. Most parents want to do their best at home and
work. Providing for your family is a necessary part of being
a responsible parent. Yet much of your identity, sense of purpose
and accomplishment comes from your career.
The questions that often arise are as follows: Do I need to put
in more time and effort at work in order to advance my career?
Do I limit my advancement potential by spending more time at
home? Or should I be looking for a more parent-friendly position?
A Necessary Review of Priorities
If
you were asked which is more important-the deadline at work
or the relationship with your child–the answer is usually
relatively easy. But real life situations are seldom so absolute.
Many adults excuse themselves from parenting because they must
fulfill the expectations on the job. In our culture, oftentimes
the workplace identity is more visible and easily defined than
the home. When you do your job well, there are usually direct
and tangible rewards such as promotions, new titles, raises and
bonuses. These rewards and incentives drive our desire for recognition
and power.
In comparison, the rewards of parenting are usually less obvious
and immediate. Does your teenager “thank you” and
give you a hug for waiting up until they got home at night? Is
your name listed in the paper for staying home with your sick
child? Do you get a pay raise for attending your child’s
soccer practices and games? The challenge lies in investing yourself
both in time and effort with your child even though the investment
is of a long-term nature. Growth and return on the investment
at times will not be measurable until their adulthood. Recent
research has shown that both success at work and home is not
usually an either-or–situation.
Develop a New Perspective
Begin
to view work and family as a dual parallel career. Make decisions
related to promotions, transfers and work schedules
based on the effect it will have on the family. Make daily scheduling
choices that prioritize your family. Put things such as games,
recitals, birthdays, concerts and school conferences on your
annual calendar. Scheduling is necessary in busy lives to ensure
that important dates are not missed. Missing your children’s
events can be the exception not the rule.
Be Realistic with Career Goals
Set
career goals that can be accomplished based on your family’s
needs. For instance, is your family’s budget based on values
and necessity or on social appearances, upward mobility and power?
Decide whether you can modify your work schedule for the benefit
of your family. Benefit should not always be defined in material
terms. If opportunity means less time at home and less interaction,
is it truly an opportunity?
Daily steps to balance work and family are suggested by Jim Levine
in his book “Working
Fathers” (which in my opinion apply to mothers as well):
