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August 2004 Newsletter:

How to Free Yourself and Your Child From Worry and Anxiety
by Jackie Block, MFT

Anxiety in adults comes in various shapes and forms. We all from time to time find ourselves briefly worrying about this or that in our life. Most people who have constant anxiety often feel fatigued from their worry; find themselves irritable; having difficulty concentrating; often report disturbed sleep and report muscle tension. People with anxiety find themselves worrying about everyday occurrences like job responsibilities, financial issues, the safety of their children, being late for appointments, and household chores. There may also be irrational fears of death of loved ones or themselves or natural disasters befalling them. If such symptoms are part of your life and have been occurring for most days over a period of six months, you may have developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

There are many individuals who report that they have felt anxious most of their lives beginning in childhood or adolescence. Some say that they did not have problems until after age 20. People with anxiety disorders find times of stress more difficult to manage then when things appear to be going as good as usual. If there is a sudden increase in feelings of anxiety it is important to look at what is going on in your life. Have you recently started or changed a particular medication? Have you been consuming more caffeine then you normally do? Have there been real life stressors both positive and negative like the birth of a baby, change in jobs, loss of a loved one, or interpersonal problems.

If there is a real life stressor at the root it's important to look at what you can do to change the situation or our actions and attitudes about the situation. The acronym FEAR can help you remember the following:

By asking yourself these questions and putting into action your answers, you may be able to solve your problem.

Other strategies to combat anxiety include relaxation and meditation. Join a yoga class or find a relaxation CD. Make efforts to visualize yourself in the stressful situation and then visualize yourself working through the difficulty and succeeding. Thought Stopping is another form of dealing with anxiety. You basically just tell yourself to stop thinking about the situation you are fretting over. You can use diversions that are healthy like exercise, listening to music, calling a friend or busy yourself with some task. You may want to use self-talk and offer yourself encouraging words about the situation. It's important to practice whatever method you choose to find success and reward yourself for your efforts.

If anxiety has been persistent for a long period of time it may be necessary for a medication intervention. There are many good and safe medications these days to help with anxiety. The use of these medications may help you to better practice what you need to do to decrease the feelings of anxiety and move you on the way to a faster recovery.

Recommended Readings:
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.


Separation Anxiety in Children

Children who experience symptoms of anxiety related to separating from their parents tend to come from families who are close. Parents of these children often start out having a high tolerance for their child's excessive neediness, intrusive and at times demanding behaviors but grow increasingly frustrated with the amount of time it takes for the child to separate. Such problems may begin with bedtime, a visit to a friend's house or the start of Kindergarten.

The child's excessive worry may show itself when the child either anticipates a break in the relationship or actually needs to leave the person or persons they are attached to. Such children may worry about harm coming the way of this person or themselves. There may be refusal to go to school, reports of somatic complaints manifested in headaches and stomachaches, nightmares with themes of separation and fears of being left without the person they are attached to.

A common mistake most parents make when attempting to make these transitions easier is to over-reassure and ask the child frequently if he or she is ok. Such reassurances and asking tell the child that the parent expects a problem, therefore discouraging independence and triggering a feeling of helplessness and continued neediness.

Most helpful is supporting the child's strengths, being matter of fact about the expectations and offering opportunities for separating. For example a child who is afraid to be left at a trusted friend's house may benefit from the parent accompanying them, staying briefly in sight, then out of sight and then letting the child know that they will be leaving and returning within a set amount of time.

If it is harder for the child to leave one parent than the other, arrange to have the other parent be in charge of dropping off the child. There can be a negative pattern between the two that is most often triggered when the closer parent is present.

Teach breathing and relaxation exercises to the child. Help the child visualize the anxiety producing situation and a successful ending. Pair the child with a friend who can give a sense of security at the drop off situation. Allow for the use of a transition object.

It is most important to encourage confidence and have the child face the fear directly using self-talk and statements of empowerment to get through difficulties with separation. If attempts at success continue to fail and the anxiety has been long standing, a medication intervention may be needed to help the child become successful.

Recommended Reading:
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn

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