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5 Ways to Help Kids Handle Anger By Sarah Arnold, PsyD Quote of the month: “When I feel angry, I want to say something mean, or yell, or hit. But feeling like I want to is not the same as doing it. Feeling can’t hurt anyone or get me in trouble, but doing can.” These are words from a kids’ book, "When I Feel Angry", by C. Spelman. What if our entire world, kids and adults, lived by these words? Anger is an inevitable part of life, but there are positive and negative ways to handle it. Too often the daily news confirms the fact that many children and teens are struggling to handle their anger in a positive way. In today’s increasingly violent world, children see violence and aggression depicted on TV, even on their favorite cartoon. In fact, in the US, 57% of TV programs between 6 am and 11 am contain violent scenes, often in the form of repeated aggressive acts that go unpunished. It may be hard to believe, but the average child in the US sees 45 acts of violence on TV each day, and this doesn’t even begin to factor in video game usage. Children see lots of ways to handle anger in negative ways, so in today’s world, learning to cope with anger and frustration in a positive way may be one of the most important things your child learns. So, how can you teach your kids to deal with their anger? Consider the following: BE A ROLE MODEL Talking aloud during a random frustrating situation can also show kids how you manage feelings of anger. You might say, “I’m upset that the car won’t start, so I’m going to take three deep breaths to calm down and then I will problem solve how to handle this situation.” This not only teaches kids to use their words to express their anger, but it also helps them understand the source of your anger (since kids may think they are the source of your anger). It also shows them ways to calm down, and if you continue to talk your way through the problem, it teaches them how to problem solve. IDENTIFY FEELINGS Then, talk to them about examples of feelings in daily life. For instance, “I feel angry when Jenny calls me names because it embarrasses me.” Helping children realize that there are hidden feelings and actions beneath angry emotions not only helps them appropriately verbalize their feelings so others can understand them, but will also help them understand their own feelings and anger triggers. PRACTICE RELAXATION
You will have to work with kids to practice the sequence using several examples on a regular basis, but with more practice, they are more likely to think through situations. Then, when you see kids beginning to show frustration, ask them, “What do you think sounds like a good solution to this problem?” This teaches them ways to prevent anger outbursts and allows them practice solving conflicts in positive ways. ACKNOWLDEGE GOOD BEHAVIOR
Essentially, what you are teaching kids is: The tricky part is, we not only have to teach this to kids, but we, as a community, have to show this to kids also. Upcoming Events Summer Groups – Call 907-8201 for details or to register Social skills groups for children & teens with special needs Family Wellness: Couples Edition About our Clinic
Doll & Associates, SC has two locations: 40 Camelot Drive 1567 Sumner Street Phone: (920) 907-8201/ Toll Free (877) 907-8201 |
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