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Teaching Yourself to be Mindful
By Beth Rogers-Doll, Ph.D
Do you feel like you function on automatic, going through the motions with your mind on a thousand other things? Are you content to simply live or do you always have to be planning your next move? Mindful meditation is a practice that is taking the U.S.A. by storm, even though it is a practice that is at least 5,000 yrs old.
Most Americans have the philosophy that achieving is always preferable if we want to be successful in life. Along with doing, doing, doing, we also like to analyze what we should do next. But, when we constantly analyze what we should be doing, we negate our own living experience. I can only pay attention to what is actually in front of me with 50% of my mind’s power if I am always questioning what I should be doing next. This is like thinking about page 60 of a book when I am actually only on page 35. Another fruitless exercise of the mind is thinking back to page 15 when I am on page 25. That is, ruminating about what has already happened, or what is in the past.
The result of thinking about the immediate future or the past, instead of living the actual present, is that I will often feel anxious or sad or angry.
Another unpleasant side effect of not living in the moment is that I will cultivate feelings of being out of control. This is obvious, since I cannot change what has already occurred, and I have limited or no control over the future. I may spend my time being tense and distracted from my friends, family and work and leisure.
However, if I concentrate on “simply being in the now”, I will more fully experience what I am living, I may avoid suffering with what lies ahead, and I will be more fortified by the simple pleasures of my daily life. Living in the moment is called “Mindfulness”.
One of the best definitions of mindfulness comes from the authors Segal, Williams and Teasdale, who paraphrased Jon Kabot-Zin: "Mindfulness is the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to things as they really are.”
Am I suggesting that you do not see things as they really are? No, but we can choose to be more observant of the world around us and less controlled by our own biases and expectations. We do this with all our senses and power to study. Many of you may say, “I am not able to turn off my constant analyzing!” That is why we call it “the practice of mindfulness”. You will need to accept that this change in your life will require some practice and repetition.
Being mindful also means avoiding judgments. If I am sitting in math class, screaming to myself that I do not understand what the teacher is explaining (judging myself unnecessarily), those troubled thoughts will crowd out my ability to calm down and absorb what the teacher is saying. But, if I concentrate on what the teacher is saying closely (focus on the present), I may just get the concept. When that moment of understanding hits me, I know that I can get knowledge from my own senses! ButI cannot force knowledge by pressuring myself to just know it .
Mindfulness is truly being present in the moment. It is being aware of all that your senses and emotions are telling you. If your mind is too active, that is okay. Keep practicing until you can concentrate on WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW, ONLY.
Mindfulness does not involve worrying of any kind. The emphasis is on fully experiencing the moment that is in front of us and enjoying and refining simple activities.
How to Practice mindfulness in the moment
- Halt analyzing and judging ourselves and others. Worrying is not allowed
- Observe with all of our five senses what is happening. Tune in completely to what we see, hear, smell, touch and taste
- Describe internally what we are experiencing in the most powerful way we can
- Do one thing at a time
- Focus intently on our movements and actions in this moment
- Remind yourself not to judge, only to observe with all your power.
Tip: When you lose track of time in something you are doing, and notice an intense concentration, this is sign that you are being “mindful”.
A mindfulness example:
Eating Christmas dinner with your family, you notice the color of the food, you taste the food, enjoying the smell of each dish. You study the faces of your family, noticing who is laughing, who is crunching. You observe without judgment or criticism of them or yourself. You notice every sight around you, every sound, every taste, every smell and texture.
Exercising example:
Running on a road, you hear the pounding of your shoes on the pavement, the sound of sand crunching. You smell the trees around you and hear the calls of the early birds. You feel the sweat on your skin and notice your breathing with every stride you take. You feel the satisfaction of knowing the distance you have come this morning. You feel happy that you have contributed to the strength and youth of your body. You notice a grateful feeling that your body allows this type of exercise. You notice a slight pain in your left hip and choose to focus on your breaths instead.
Driving a car example:
You feel the steering wheel in your grip, the tendons of your fingers grasping it. You feel your position in the driver’s seat and your feet on the pedal. You observe everything around you, through all mirrors and windows. You feel the surface of the road under the wheels, the fresh air, if the window is open, the acceleration. You hear the sound of the engine, sounds outside. By the way, this is the way we probably should drive all the time.
Activities that interfere with mindfulness
- Multi-tasking of any kind
- Talking on a cell phone
- Texting
If you practice mindfulness each day while doing mundane, regular tasks, you will be amazed at what you notice.
Recommended Readings
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mindfulness (Paperback) by Ihnen and Flynn
Mindfulness for Beginners (Audiobook) by Jon Kabat-Zinn, 2006
How to Be An Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo; Shambhala Publications, 2002.
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