• Home
• Our Staff
• Newsletter
• Handouts
• Books
• Events
• Contact Us

Focusing on Strengths.
Finding Solutions.®

To read more articles written by our therapists, check out our

Newsletter Archive

Links and Resources

• Mental Health Topics
• Child & Parenting Topics
• Marriage & Family
• Corporate Counseling & Work Psychology
• School & Learning
• Sports & Exercise
• Eating Disorders
• Sex Education & Sexuality
• Terrorism & War
• Substance Abuse
• Adoption
• General Health Topics
• Professional Resources
• Fond du Lac Resources

12 Points on How to Survive Mid-Life

Understanding Goes a Long Way!

By Pat O'Hearn, LCSW

Midlife brings changes that seem more dramatic than those of previous transitions. In order for the current generation of individuals going through this process to develop positive coping mechanisms, it is important to understand their general characteristics as a group. This information with not only help the midlifers; it will also provide their family members with some understanding.

MIDLIFE CHARACTERISTICS

• “Baby Boomers” or “Me” Generation: 78 million Americans born between 1946 and 1964. This is the largest generation in history.
• The first turned 50 in 1996 and the last will turn 50 in 2014.
• Self Absorption: The indulgence they experienced growing up in the 1950’s allowed them to feel they had limitless possibilities and were special.
• Sense of Entitlement: As a group they have assumed they could have life their way and the rules did not apply to them. As a result they view themselves as winners, making it very difficult to accept failure or loss.
• Need for control: Boomers need to feel in control of life. This makes uncertainty challenging and change more difficult to negotiate in a healthy way.
• Reflection: Baby Boomers have always been very introspective as a group, leading them to question many aspects of life.

COMMON EMOTIONS

• Great Expectations: Because it was believed good luck would never end, seeing life with limits now causes a sense of shock.
• Regrets: It is now time to face the loss of some dreams and the regret of some mistakes. Many are realizing they are not going to be the person they thought.
• Loss: Youth and beauty are valued highly by society and particularly by the Boomers. Facing the challenge of this loss is very difficult.
• Meaning: Because the Boomers have been so inner focused, finding the meaning of life for them is even more important given that time is limited.
• Change: Midlife is typically a time of major change for most people.
• This results from the endless questions and evaluating of one’s life that has gone on over the years. Some individuals react to this by feeling empty and disillusioned. If this occurs, they sometimes destroy everything they have built in life.
• POSITIVE SIDE TO THESE EMOTIONS: INSTEAD OF BEING STUCK WITH DISAPPOINTMENT, THE HEALTHY RESPONSE IS TO USE ALL OF THIS REFLECTION TO LOOK FOR NEW POSSIBILITIES!!!!!

The following is a MIDLIFE CHECKUP to help begin the process of a fun and positive adjustment to a NEW PHASE OF LIFE!!! Use this questionnaire to reduce stress, learn about yourself, simplify your life, and reenergize for the second phase of life.

(When you complete this please be as honest with yourself as you can. It is the only way it will be helpful! Life is short! Let’s all enjoy it!!)

1. My most important accomplishments are____________________________.

2. I am disappointed about ___________.

3. I would describe the person I turned out to be as______________________.

4. I want to change the following things about myself and my life____________________________.

5. Things I want before I die____________________________. 

6. If I knew I couldn’t fail, I would__________________________.

7. Things I have mastered __________.

8. Things I want to keep ___________.

9. I want to keep these relationships_____________________.

10. I want to let go of these relationships_____________________.

11. I want to keep these possessions_____________________.

12. I want to let go of these possessions_____________________.

13. I want to have these experiences_____________________.

14. I want to clean up these messes_________________________.

15. I want to celebrate_______________________.

16. I don’t ever again want to____________________________.

17. My body is ___________________.

18. My children are__________________________.

19. My parents are__________________________.

20. My spouse is ________________.

21. I want to remember ______________________________.

22. I want to forget ______________.

23. I must apologize to ____________.

24. I must seek an apology of ________.

25. I am most proud of ____________.

26. I wish I could forget about__________________________.

27. I wish I could do over__________________________.

28. I wish I had never _____________.

29. I wish I had __________________.

30. My core purpose is _____________.

Recommended Readings

Rocking the Ages: Yankelovich Report on Generational Marketing by J. Walker Smith & A. Clurman

New Passages by Gail Sheehy

Understanding Men’s Passages:  Discovering the New Map of Men’s Lives by Gail Sheehy

Sex and the Seasoned Woman:  Pursuing the Passionate Life by Gail Sheehy

The Silent Passage: Menopause by Gail Sheehy

The Seasons of a Man’s Life by Daniel Levinson