Read previous newsletter topics in our Newsletter Archive (2002-2007) |
The Sandwich GenerationHow Not To Get Eaten Emotionally By Patricia O'Hearn, LCSW As the population lives longer, the majority of us will most likely become involved in caring for older family members. Many people live well into their eighties and nineties. When this happens, parent/child relationships are forced to change. This can lead to emotional stress. It is important to be aware that this process will be a marathon rather than a sprint sometimes lasting for several years.
Sandwich Generation Definitions
- Traditional Sandwich: those sandwiched between aging parents who need their help and their own children
- Club Sandwich: those in their fifties and sixties, sandwiched between aging parents, adult children and grandchildren. Or those in their thirties and forties, with young children, aging parents and grandparents
- Open-Faced Sandwich: anyone else involved in elder care
Normal Emotional Effects of Caregiving
Anger
Angry this happened to you
Angry because you have to be the caregiver
Angry with others who don’t seem to help
Angry at the sick person for irritating behavior
Helplessness
Feeling as if you are not able to make the situation better
Guilt
Guilt feelings for the way you treated the person in the past
Guilt for losing your temper with the person
Guilt for not wanting the responsibility
Guilt for wanting to place the person in a nursing home
Depression
Feelings of sadness and discouragement
Isolation
Feeling totally alone with the person and the situation
Worry
Concerns about the strength to continue, finances and your own family issues It is a priority for caregivers to plan carefully so their lives are not taken over by this added responsibility. The following are some suggestions to help reduce some of this stress.
- Vent feelings of anger, guilt, frustration, anxiety and depression. Talk with a friend, pastor, or therapist or join a support group
- Acknowledge and resolve old wounds for yourself in order to do things differently this time. If family dynamics continue to be a problem, seek out an outside facilitator to run a family meeting
- Develop a support team by involving all family members no matter where they live
- Do not allow yourself to become exhausted. Seek respite care through private agencies or your local human services agency
- Resolve inequities of work, money and power with other family members. The person who cares for a parent for ten years or more need not receive the same inheritance as an uninvolved sibling. If this is not taken care of, family stress will continue to be an issue
- Maintain a sense of humor. Laughter makes many stressful situations easier to handle
Be Patient. Remember:
- Mom and/or Dad are struggling with major changes and loss of independence
- Some siblings may be in denial about parent’s condition
- Some siblings may not want to be involved in care giving
Meet with an attorney who specializes in working with elder issues. Discuss the following legal concerns:
Durable Power of Attorney. This document gives the caregiver the authority to make legal decisions when parents are determined to be incompetent.
Wills. Make sure your parents have wills. If this is not in place, the state will determine who receives the assets.
Estate planning & long-term care insurance. Because people are living longer, resources must cover a longer period of time with rising health care costs.
For other resources and links for caregivers of the elderly, click here Quote for the month:
Growing older can be a wonderful adventure if you remember that the important
word is growing.
~H. Jackson Brown Jr. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from all of us at Doll and Associates! |
|
