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Focusing on Strengths.
Finding Solutions.®

Articles Written by Our Therapists

• Family Communication
• Assertiveness: Be Clear and Direct
• Helping Your Depressed Spouse
• Keys to Successful Relationships
• Healthy Blended Families 
• Understanding and Managing Your Fears
• Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
• Prevent Holiday Stress  
• Work-Family Balance
• Friendship: A Key to a Healthy Relationships
• Surviving Infidelity
• Avoiding Negative Communication

Links and Resources

• Child & Parenting Topics
• Corporate Counseling & Work Psychology
• School & Learning
• Sports & Exercise
• Eating Disorders
• Sex Education & Sexuality
• Terrorism & War
• Substance Abuse
• Adoption
• General Health Topics
• Professional Resources
• Fond du Lac Resources

How to Have a Great Marriage

Smart couples know that in order for a marriage to last, you have to deliberately do things that make it last.

1. Businesses have a plan for growth and profitability. Couples should have a 50-year plan for avoiding pitfalls. Your spouse should get your BEST behavior, not your leftovers.
2. Avoid taking each other for granted by expressing gratitude and just how much you respect one another's efforts. Give specific thank-you's each day.
   
3. Stay intimately familiar with your partner's world. Show interest in what matters to your love. Do not expect your partner's passions and hobbies to entertain you.
4. Turn to one another for attention, admiration, and affection. Treat your partner as your best friend. Replacing your partner with friends or other interests will create distance and an unhealthy self-sufficiency.
5. Let your partner's words and ideas influence you. Men who do not allow their wives to influence them are more likely to wind up divorced, according to researchers. Listen with a fresh and open mind, not a dismissive, cynical one.
   
6. Happy couples realize that marriage is a place to grow. Rather than manipulating partners to give up their dreams, they find a way to make those dreams happen.

Mistakes to Avoid

Having a remarkable marriage means knowing how to avoid taking each other for granted and keeping a high level of respect. Do you treat your partner with respect?

Dr. John Gottman playfully calls the following behaviors "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. " Watch out for these negative behaviors:

CRITICISM - Making blanket statements about your partner's abilities or character (e.g., "you are so lazy, so selfish, what's your problem")

CONTEMPT - Acting disgusted with nonverbal behaviors such as eye-rolling, sneering, and words which convey hostility and mockery ("whatever").

DEFENSIVENESS - Denying responsibility for a problem, or even blaming your partner ("you do it, too).

STONEWALLING - Giving the silent treatment, leaving the room, ignoring.

Tips for How to Talk to One Another

Never fail to make emotional repairs and apologies after a painful argument.

When discussing a problem, begin on a soft note, with a compliment about what you appreciate in your partner. Assume good motives in your partner.

Keep problems specific and free of generalizations or insults.

Validate your partner's perception of problems by admitting the grain of truth in it.

Some of our Favorite Marriage Links

www.gottman.com

www.smartmarriage.com

www.thinkmarriage.org

Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program

Learn proven skills to make your marriage great! This practical, fun, educational program will help you and your spouse establish or solidify patterns that will have a long-lasting impact on your marriage.

Date: Sat., February 16, 2008 – 9am-4pm (Main Presentation)

Mondays, February 25 and March 3 - 6:45-9:00 pm (Follow-up)

Place: UW Extension, Fond du Lac, Wisconsin

Cost: $40.00/Couple (includes meals, snacks and manuals)

Presenters: Anne Brunette, MSW and Nan Baumgartner, Family Living Educator

To Register: Call 929-3170 or go to thinkmarriage.org for more information.

How to Avoid Marrying A Jerk

Learn how to pick a mate for life, analyze your style to bring you wisdom in maximizing love, and stop believing that a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all.

Let us know if you are interested in participating in a "How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk" program. We are not currently running one, but will do so in the future!

Ten Great Dates for Couples:
Energize Your Marriage

Spend a night out together...

Come and learn to:

• Communicate better
• Balance busy lifestyles
• Make headway on conflicts
• Put the sizzle back into sex

All while spending quality time together in a fun, non-threatening way -
NO GROUP SHARING!

Ten Great Dates is a proven approach to relationship growth that is low-key, purposeful and effective. Each date addresses a different, important topic (see below).

HOW IT WORKS:

• We schedule 10 dates - choose as many or as few as you want
• You read a short, easy-to-follow chapter including tips to improve your marriage
• We provide 30 minutes of marriage education
• We send you off for an intimate night as a couple, armed with information sure to make it a GREAT DATE!

"10 Great Dates for Empty Nesters" will begin on Friday, February 29 at Fond du Latte in Fond du Lac. For more information, go to www.thinkmarriage.org.

"You will love growing together while going out together." - John Gray