Focusing
on Strengths.
Finding Solutions.
Previous Newsletter Topics:
July 2003 Newsletter:
Setting
Your Priorities:
Finding Balance in Family Life
Are You Living a Balanced Life?
by Anne Brunette, MSW
Are you living a balanced life, with time and energy devoted to what is most important? Do you find yourself moving from one activity to another without taking a breath? If you do not feel as though you are in charge of your life, it may be time to slow down and re-prioritize. Complete the following steps and you will be on your way to living a more balanced life!
Make a commitment to change. Most personal change is a choice. It involves being tired of the old way and being motivated to do something different. If you feel frazzled and out of control, commit to changing the way you do things. You will not ever get more time in a day, but you can use your time more wisely, doing what you think is important.
Keep track of what you are doing now. Have each family member keep a log of activities for a typical week. Include sports and social activities, meals, housework, and TV watching. You will probably find time in your day that you are wasting on things that do not fit with your values and priorities.
Write down your priorities. As a family, sit down and talk about what is most important to you in terms of values and activities. This could be an extremely enlightening conversation in which you learn a lot about each other. Try to come up with individual and family lists. Are you spending your time and energy on what is most important? Take a hard look at what you are doing. Do you need to give something up in order to balance your life better? Do you have time to slow down and enjoy your life and your family? Fill in your calendar first with what is most important. For example, if family meals are a priority, your kids may not be able to participate in so many activities.
Make your priorities visible. What you are finished, make sure all family members are aware of and exposed to the priorities on a daily basis. Consider posting a list of priorities on your refrigerator, your computer desk or by your phone so everyone can see it and be reminded of the values.
Re-evaluate your priorities at least quarterly. As children grow, things change. Make sure to come together to look at how everyone is doing and see if priorities or activities need to change. It will be an opportunity to connect as a family about important topics.
As you begin to feel more in control of your family life, you will find that you have time to do what is important and that other, less important things will wait. It is easy to get caught doing what you feel is urgent and put off those things that matter, such as maintaining and building strong relationships. If you take these steps, you will not look back later and realize that you did not give what was most important the energy and time it needed; instead, you will have a balanced life!
Developing A Family Vision
by Karin Suesser, PhD
As
you begin to consider your priorities and values as a family, it can
be extremely useful to write a “family vision statement” that
reminds everyone of what is most important to your family each day. The
following ideas for developing a vision statement are adapted from the
book Full Steam Ahead! by Ken Blanchard & Jesse
Stoner (2003). They identify three key elements of a successful vision:
1. Significant Purpose. Ask yourself “Why
are we together as a family? What are we trying to accomplish?” Figuring
out the purpose of being together provides a deeper meaning to family
life which can be easily forgotten about in the daily struggle to get
everything done.
2. Clear Values. Ask yourself “What do we care deeply about?
What do we stand for?” The answers to these questions will define what
your values are. These are more than just “good intentions” and
should provide guidelines for your daily choices and actions. For example,
if one of your values is kindness, this guides how you talk to each other on
a daily basis.
3. A Picture of the Future. This is more than just goal setting.
It’s about creating the ideal picture of what your life together could
be like. A clear picture of the future helps you focus on what you want to
create (e.g., more time together doing fun things), not just on what you want
to get rid of (e.g., less hectic lifestyle). Talk about what it would look
like to have fun together, and what exactly you would do. Draw pictures of
what you want your family to be like. Then start living your vision today!
“Vision
is knowing who you are,
where you are going,
and what will guide your journey.”
(Blanchard & Stoner)