Focusing
on Strengths.
Finding Solutions.
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August 2004 Newsletter:
How
to Free Yourself and Your Child From Worry and Anxiety
by Jackie
Block, MFT
Anxiety in adults comes in various shapes and forms. We
all from time to time find ourselves briefly worrying about this or that
in our life. Most people who have constant anxiety often feel fatigued
from their worry; find themselves irritable; having difficulty concentrating;
often report disturbed sleep and report muscle tension. People with anxiety
find themselves worrying about everyday occurrences like job responsibilities,
financial issues, the safety of their children, being late for appointments,
and household chores. There may also be irrational fears of death of
loved ones or themselves or natural disasters befalling them. If such
symptoms are part of your life and have been occurring for most days
over a period of six months, you may have developed Generalized Anxiety
Disorder.
There are many individuals who report that they have felt anxious most
of their lives beginning in childhood or adolescence. Some say that they
did not have problems until after age 20. People with anxiety disorders
find times of stress more difficult to manage then when things appear
to be going as good as usual. If there is a sudden increase in feelings
of anxiety it is important to look at what is going on in your life.
Have you recently started or changed a particular medication? Have you
been consuming more caffeine then you normally do? Have there been real
life stressors both positive and negative like the birth of a baby, change
in jobs, loss of a loved one, or interpersonal problems.
If there is a real life stressor at the root it's important to look at
what you can do to change the situation or our actions and attitudes
about the situation. The acronym FEAR can help you remember
the following:
-
Ask yourself what you Feel about the situation.
-
What are your Expectations? Are your expectations reasonable? Who can you talk with or how can you test out the reality of your expectations?
-
What Actions can you take to make the situation better? What Attitude must you adopt in order to successfully negotiate this stressful time in your life?
-
What Reward can you give yourself for following through with your plan?
By asking yourself
these questions
and putting into action your answers, you may be able to solve
your problem.
Other strategies to combat anxiety include relaxation and meditation.
Join a yoga class or find a relaxation CD. Make efforts to visualize
yourself in the stressful situation and then visualize yourself
working through the difficulty and succeeding. Thought Stopping
is another
form of dealing with anxiety. You basically just tell yourself
to stop thinking
about the situation you are fretting over. You can use diversions
that are healthy like exercise, listening to music, calling a
friend or
busy yourself with some task. You may want to use self-talk and
offer yourself
encouraging words about the situation. It's important to practice
whatever method you choose to find success and reward yourself
for your efforts.
If anxiety has been persistent for a long period of time it may
be necessary for a medication intervention. There are many good
and
safe medications
these days to help with anxiety. The use of these medications
may help you to better practice what you need to do to decrease
the feelings
of anxiety and move you on the way to a faster recovery.
Recommended Readings:
The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by
Edmund J. Bourne, Ph.D.
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan
Jeffers.
Separation Anxiety in Children
Children who experience symptoms of anxiety related to separating
from their parents tend to come from families who are close.
Parents of
these children often start out having a high tolerance for
their child's excessive
neediness, intrusive and at times demanding behaviors but
grow increasingly frustrated with the amount of time it takes
for
the child to separate.
Such problems may begin with bedtime, a visit to a friend's
house or the start of Kindergarten.
The child's excessive worry may show itself when the child
either anticipates a break in the relationship or actually
needs to
leave the person or
persons they are attached to. Such children may worry about
harm coming the way of this person or themselves. There may
be refusal
to go to
school, reports of somatic complaints manifested in headaches
and stomachaches, nightmares with themes of separation and
fears of being
left without
the person they are attached to.
A common mistake most parents make when attempting to make
these transitions easier is to over-reassure and ask the
child frequently
if he or she
is ok. Such reassurances and asking tell the child that the
parent expects a problem, therefore discouraging independence
and triggering
a feeling
of helplessness and continued neediness.
Most helpful is supporting the child's strengths, being matter
of fact about the expectations and offering opportunities
for separating.
For
example a child who is afraid to be left at a trusted friend's
house may benefit from the parent accompanying them, staying
briefly in
sight, then out of sight and then letting the child know
that they will be
leaving and returning within a set amount of time.
If it is harder for the child to leave one parent than the
other, arrange to have the other parent be in charge of dropping
off
the child. There
can be a negative pattern between the two that is most often
triggered when the closer parent is present.
Teach breathing and relaxation exercises to the child. Help
the child visualize the anxiety producing situation and a
successful
ending.
Pair the child with a friend who can give a sense of security
at the drop
off situation. Allow for the use of a transition object.
It is most important to encourage confidence and have the
child face the fear directly using self-talk and statements
of empowerment
to
get through difficulties with separation. If attempts at
success continue to fail and the anxiety has been long standing,
a medication
intervention
may be needed to help the child become successful.
Recommended Reading:
The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn